Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, then gave him a broom and said,

"Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, Just for fun, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says: "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies: "The one on the right."

''That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The mother replies," I didn't like her!"