An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
finally went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor a month later for a re-check.

The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Ages

At age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 10...success is...making your own meals.

At age 12...success is...having friends.

At age 16...success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20...success is...having a job.

At age 35...success is...having money.

At age 50...success is...having money.

At age 60...success is...having not losing money.

At age 70...success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75...success is...having friends.

At age 80...success is...making your own meals.

At age 85...success is...not peeing in your pants

Jokes

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, ???Do you have water????

The Jewish man replied, ???I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.???

The Taliban shouted, ???Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!???

???OK, OK??? said the old Jewish man, ???It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.???

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead??? ???Your brother won???t let me in without a tie!???

Jokes

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."