Q. What has four legs but can't walk?
A. A table!

---

Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station!

---

Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. You crack me up!

---

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!

---

Q. Why did the elephant eat the candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!

---

Q. Why is the letter "G" scary?
A. It turns a host into a ghost

---

Q. What has  4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!

---

Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!

---

Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!

---

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!

---

Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. Because it felt crummy.

---

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your  eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

---

Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse

---

Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese

---

Q. Why did the sheep say "moo"?
A. It was learning a new language!

---

Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!

---

Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!

---

Q. What exam do young witches have to pass?
A. A spell-ing test!

---

Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

---

Q. Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A. Because you dribble on the floor!

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

Seems like only yesterday...

BARBIE DOLL has her 50th birthday this year.......

Tweety Bird  is60 years old!

 

And what about all our other ....
CHILDHOOD
SUPERHEROES?  

SUPERMAN
 

Thor

Wonder Woman (touch of menopause here I think?)
 

Batman and Robin
 

SPIDERMAN

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, love with true love, laugh without control and always keep smiling.
Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

Yo mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last christmas and it is still printing.

Yo mana so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

Yo mana's so fat she wore a yellow raincoat and people yelled "Taxi"

Yo Mama's so stupid she stole a free sample.

Yo Mama's so stupid that when she saw a "Wet Floor" sign she did.

Yo Mama's so stupid she can't read an audio book.

Yo Mama's so stupid she thought Thailand was a men's clothing store.

Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.

Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.

Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "To be continued"

Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!

---

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"

---

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

---

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

---

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.

---

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

---

Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll

---

Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!

---

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.

---

Q. What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick.

---

Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

---

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.

---

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!

---

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!

---

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!

---

Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!

---

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.

---

Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.

---

Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

---

Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.

Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind... would you please tell me your name again, dear?" There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"